It’s been a rough week. Justin and I were both sick with different things. Grandma took the baby one night so we could completely rest because he wasn’t sleeping great. Took baby to doctor and found out he has an ear infection. It’s been one thing after another.
Tonight though… We came home from daycare. Since Silas is officially 6 months old, I decided to feed him some incredibly gross banana baby food. *shudder*
He got a bath, since the medicine for the ear infection is causing some nasty side effects to come out of his body, I thought it would be nice to have some soothing warm water to clean him up.
Tried feeding him a little formula to give him the medicine, and then I put him to bed.
With Silas, he doesn’t typically do an afternoon nap at daycare (his fault). This means he usually goes from about…1 or 2 pm until 6:30 or so without sleeping. It can make for rough evenings sometimes because he is so stinking tired. When he goes to sleep for the night, it can take a while for him to actually go down because of that.
I want him to become a pretty independent sleeper. So now we rock him for a couple minutes and then place him in his crib while he is still somewhat awake. We do a modified ‘cry it out’. I let him cry for a few minutes, go back in and put the pacifier back in his mouth, wash, rinse, repeat. We maybe do this up to 5 times. It depends on the night.
Tonight I decided to try something different. After all the activities we did this evening, I placed him in his sleep sack, turned on the lamp/nightlight thing and read him a fuzzy book. Twice. He didn’t really seem to care much, but I was just wanting to reduce…everything. Noise. Lights. Colors, etc. And then I curled him up in my arms and sang to him a couple different songs. The ABCs (as a lullaby…kind of fun), some church song I remember from my aunt at Christmastime.
And while I sang, he just stared up into my eyes.
And everything just clicked.
I had always felt like motherhood felt…natural to me. It felt right. It felt…easy, actually (which is surprising after the pregnancy I had). And he was always my baby.
But tonight it felt like this is something I was born to do. It’s not the only thing I want to do with my life…but it’s one of the things that I was born to do.
So we just stared at each other while I quietly sang.
Then I turned off the light and switched it over to the sound machine and he just simply curled into my chest and went to sleep while I rocked him. And tonight I rocked him for much longer as I stared at his beautiful head through a crack in the curtains.
My beautiful baby.
Okay fine, he’s also Justin’s. I’ll share.
But in that instant, he was simply mine, just like he had been for 9 long months.
And I felt peace.
Peace like I hadn’t felt in years, possibly since I was a child myself.
All because of this tiny creature.
And because of the man who chose to love me.