Our little guy is almost 1 week old and I wanted to get this information out on ‘paper’ as soon as possible so I don’t forget most of it. Which means that this post will be quite lengthy. A lot of this may just be for me to look back on as time goes by, but maybe there will be something in here that someone will read and realize they are not so alone in their journey. That I went through it also.
We found out I was pregnant mid-February 2020 and it was one of the best days of my life. I hadn’t had a period since around Thanksgiving 2019 and I was actually at the point where I thought I might be going through early onset menopause or something along those lines. I went to the doctor for blood work which was originally going to scan for several different options but first and foremost for a baby, and my doctor called back a couple hours later with the news! I was still at work but just getting ready to leave, which means I ended up sobbing in the stairwell. I’m sure some co-workers may have thought I was a bit nuts.
We were both completely in shock. We had been doing the ol’ trying/not really trying (which basically means no preventative measures were taken) for almost 4 years with zero luck. We were getting to the point where we were going to start looking into testing.
At this time, Covid-19 was not really a huge thing in our area. It was mostly still on the coast-lines, but people were starting to become more aware of it here in Kansas. I wasn’t really concerned at all about it at that time.
Because of my lack of period, my doctor thought I might be around 3 months pregnant and basically ordered an emergency ultrasound that we had a few days later, where we learned I was only 5 weeks along instead. Everyone was incredibly puzzled. Everyone. But oh well! It happened. I had been feeling great at that time.
A few days later however, boom…morning sickness kicked in. And yes, typical cliché line of ‘I don’t know why they call it morning sickness when it lasts all day…’. Mine lasted 24/7. I only threw up every couple days though, and that was mostly from sinus drainage. I was just queasy all. the. time.
About a week or two after we found out, Justin got Influenza B, so that was great. Then about a week or two after he got over the worst of it….I got it. And that was during my birthday. So I turned 31 while sleeping in the guest room, completely and utterly miserable from the flu and morning sickness. Magical. I don’t think many people knew about the baby at that point, we were trying to keep things very hush-hush for a while, just in case.
While I was home with the flu, Covid kicked into high gear and buildings started closing. My office closed and everyone started working from home. This means that the last time my co-workers saw me in person, no one knew I was pregnant. I realized later on that when the office does open back up and we all go back to work, I may look exactly the same as I did when the office closed, except I will have had a baby during that time. It’s….mind blowing.
The morning sickness lasted until about 22 weeks. During this time I was working from home, taking frequent naps, wearing the same thing over and over and over because of bloating and a slightly growing belly. Even during all the miserable hours and minutes I spent alive, I loved this little creature growing inside me. And I lived in a state of fear that something would happen, probably just like every pregnant person out there.
Thanks to Covid, the company my husband and I worked for did lay-offs and Justin lost his job. It came as a complete shock to both of us and changed everything again. All the plans that we had been making had to be adjusted. Luckily, our relationship stayed strong.
I had a couple months where I actually felt good, until the 30 week mark hit and once again, morning sickness struck and stuck around until the end. It was different this time though. Water made me sick. As in, if I had a few sips of water I would throw up. So I drank carbonated water until that started to make me vomit. Then I drank juice, and then soda, and then more juice and more soda and so on. I might’ve been drinking about 4 to 8 ounces of water a day. Yes, I told my doctor. No, they did not really care. They just told me to drink anything as long as I was getting fluids. I had never been so thirsty in my entire life. All I wanted to drink was a giant glass of ice water, and I couldn’t. Water tasted like dirt, and sometimes smelled like it.
I started throwing up at night randomly. Smells that never bothered me before, even at the beginning, became unbearable. I still had to work though, and getting through that while also being so ill took a toll on me. Not to mention being isolated with my husband at home. I was still working (and still do) for the company that fired him and it made me feel a bit guilty. But thank God I still had a job.
My finger-tips went numb because the baby was hanging out on a nerve or something. My sciatic nerve went crazy and it became very painful to walk. Food started to not sound good. I was really dehydrated. I snored incredibly loud. My sinuses went freaking insane. Insomnia joined the party and there would be times I wouldn’t get to sleep until 6 or 7 am, but still had to get up to try and work.
Pregnancy for me was just hell on earth. Hell. I hated it. I hated almost every single moment of it. The few instances where I enjoyed it were when the baby would move in certain ways. Most of the time when he moved it would make my ill, but there were times when something would happen and it would be completely magical.
I had always expected pregnancy to be this wonderful time, but it wasn’t. It was brutal. It was ridiculously stressful. It was hard. So hard. Take the fear of not wanting anything to happen to this little being that you wanted for YEARS, add 7 months of nausea and vomiting, then add a pandemic with a dash of unemployment and fear of being able to afford this baby. Nothing was what we expected.
Oh, and I can’t forget the heartburn. Oh the heartburn. That took things to a whole other level. Wow. I was popping tums like tic-tac’s! It was brutal. The heartburn and reflux were probably the absolute worst things about pregnancy.
Covid-19 pretty much destroyed all my pregnancy expectations. I had to be cautious of where I went and who I saw. I wasn’t able to see my family as much as I wanted to celebrate and to let them watch me and my baby grow. I did have a some-what traditional baby shower, but we kept it very low-key and minimal, with some precautions. I also felt pretty isolated during that time. I couldn’t really see friends very often. I was mostly at home 24/7 just keeping my child safe. I wasn’t willing to take the risk of exposing him when no one really knew how differently Covid could affect a pregnant person.
But on the other hand, there were some small benefits… I didn’t have to buy a whole new wardrobe since I wasn’t going into an office. That really helped save money, because I could just wear the same few pairs of sweatpants or maternity jeans, and some baggy t-shirts we had. It didn’t really matter what I looked like. I didn’t have to deal with complete strangers coming up and rubbing my belly. I was also able to pretty much nap whenever my body needed it, which was pretty often thanks to being sick all the time. I still just wish I could’ve had a normal pregnancy though. Covid stole so much from me at it makes me furious.
However, we came out the other side. We now have a beautiful baby boy that we are so in love with. Yes, things are still hard and not what we planned, but we are getting through them together, as a family.
Love, a new mom.