There I said it.
Losing weight seriously sucks.
It sucks bad.
I know everyone tries to make it super positive and motivational and easy, but sometimes…it. just. sucks.
Sometimes I don’t want to be positive.
Maybe, I just want to let you my inner fat girl and let her fly.
So I can sit on my living room floor again with a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi, eating chinese honey chicken and green beans, double chocolate chip cookies from Subway, cheesy breadsticks from Pizza Hut, french fries from Hardees, and popcorn from the local movie theater.
You read that correctly.
I used to do that.
If I had a really bad day, or was feeling really lonely, I made several stops through my old town to get dinner. Sometimes, I would even stop at Sonic for a limeade.
I just wish that I could eat what I want, and not have to worry about the weight I was putting on.
Why do our bodies have to change? Why do they have to make it so hard for us to lose weight? Or even, why do they have to let us gain weight?
God, when I think back to high school, when I thought I was fat weighing 120 pounds…I just wish I could go back and punch myself right in my stupid face.
It’s amazing how much the brain (and body) changes as a person approaches 30.
I no longer yearn to be ‘skinny’ like I did a few years ago.
Now, I want to be healthy. I want to be happy with my body. I want to know that my body could carry me miles and keep me alive. I also really want to just wear whatever freaking clothes I want to.
That’s what I miss the most. Being able to wear anything.
Oh my god. I almost forgot about the bag of Funyuns and the several boxes of Strawberry Fruit Gushers.
You know, I am so grateful everyday that I found Justin (or that he found me, either way). Yes, sometimes he can get angry and frustrated with me when I do stupid things. Sometimes he can be controlling about things. But I know, deep in my heart, it’s only because he is trying to help me.
He knows how I used to eat, and what I used to do, and he just wants me to by healthy, and happy.
I don’t even want to know where I would be now without him.
So, to all you people out there suffering through trying to lose weight (I’ve been trying for over 3 years now, not a lot has happened), just know that you are not alone.
It really can suck, and it really does take time. There are no ‘fast fixes’. Just keep believing in yourself.
And if you ever need a friend, look no further.
I’m right here.