So, once upon a time…when I was in high school (go Wildcats!)…I was in band. Keep in mind, Hanover Kansas is a pretty small town (800-ish people maybe?). I had 20 kids in my graduating class. So, our band was pretty small.
I played the trumpet, just like my oldest sister. I honestly am not sure why I also chose the trumpet. I know at one point I wanted to be just. like. her. Just like her. Everything.
So I chose the trumpet because that is what she played. Yes, she is 5 years older than me, but at Hanover, the Jr and Sr High played concert and pep band together sometimes. Which meant that sometimes we played together. It was great! She taught me how to have amazing posture and proper trumpeting technique. All the good stuff.
But then I got really sick my freshman year of high school and went down a dark, depressing hole. I think I was very angry and always in excruciating pain and I honestly don’t even want to imagine what my parents went through with me.
I will 100% be grateful to them for the rest of my life though. But that is all besides the point. I thought my sisters were perfect growing up. Cheerleaders, decently popular, Winter Ball/Homecoming queens, etc…
I was not. I didn’t want to be. I did not like people, you get the picture. I think I had kind of given up on even trying to be like my sisters anymore. I just wanted to be completely different then them. My oldest sister is VERY smart. I think she got a 34 or 35 on her ACTs. Hahahahahahaha.
It seems like they won every award in school. Except for one…
The John Philip Sousa Band Award.
Every year it was given to a Senior during the spring concert. My sisters never won this award, but I did.
I remember being so freaking happy that I finally had something they didn’t.
Why did I have to be so different from them? Why did I have to have something they didn’t? Why did I insist on comparing myself to them at every turn of my life.
Imagine what my life would be like if I could have just accepted myself as me and not as ‘Meredith’s sister’ or ‘Lacy’s sister’.
We are all individuals.
No two people will ever be the same.
So why why why do we always compare ourselves to others? I wouldn’t have ended up in the same place, I still would have been different then them, so why did I try and force myself to be so different.
Thinking of this now leads me to such frustration. So I try not to, and to just move on.
Just please remember…be yourself. Always be yourself. (unless you can be a mermaid or unicorn…..)
As for this little guy…
I found it on a shelf at my parent’s house, but it was a little broken. So I brought it home and fixed him.