New Pillows!!

Pillows.

In the living room.

Aka…for the couch and chairs.

This has been an ongoing argument since June when we bought our new couches.

These are 100% the ugliest pillows I’ve ever seen (or owned) in my entire life!

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If you like them, congrats! I still have the covers and would love the send them to you!

In reality, the leathery brown side (which is exactly like the couch, which makes sense because they came together) is super comfy and nice to nap on, but the other side…*shudder*.

Our house has a lot of brown, so I really wanted to pull some color up from the rug.

Because these do. not. match…

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We have argued so many times about getting new pillows.

A lightbulb finally freaking clicked on in my head, and I realized that it was just a pillow cover and that I could take them off.

So I did, and Justin found some new covers on Amazon for about $22 for a set of 2.

This has made me so entirely happy.

So happy.

Are you ready?

How about now?

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Look at how pretty they are!!

And look how great they match!

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Should we compare the two..

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Yup. Much better.

So much happiness for only $50.

Happy sigh.

Happy day.

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Comparisons & Awards.

So, once upon a time…when I was in high school (go Wildcats!)…I was in band. Keep in mind, Hanover Kansas is a pretty small town (800-ish people maybe?). I had 20 kids in my graduating class. So, our band was pretty small.

I played the trumpet, just like my oldest sister. I honestly am not sure why I also chose the trumpet. I know at one point I wanted to be just. like. her. Just like her. Everything.

So I chose the trumpet because that is what she played. Yes, she is 5 years older than me, but at Hanover, the Jr and Sr High played concert and pep band together sometimes. Which meant that sometimes we played together. It was great! She taught me how to have amazing posture and proper trumpeting technique. All the good stuff.

But then I got really sick my freshman year of high school and went down a dark, depressing hole. I think I was very angry and always in excruciating pain and I honestly don’t even want to imagine what my parents went through with me.

I will 100% be grateful to them for the rest of my life though. But that is all besides the point. I thought my sisters were perfect growing up. Cheerleaders, decently popular, Winter Ball/Homecoming queens, etc…

I was not. I didn’t want to be. I did not like people, you get the picture. I think I had kind of given up on even trying to be like my sisters anymore. I just wanted to be completely different then them. My oldest sister is VERY smart. I think she got a 34 or 35 on her ACTs. Hahahahahahaha.

No.

It seems like they won every award in school. Except for one…

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The John Philip Sousa Band Award.

Every year it was given to a Senior during the spring concert. My sisters never won this award, but I did.

I remember being so freaking happy that I finally had something they didn’t.

But…Why?

Why did I have to be so different from them? Why did I have to have something they didn’t? Why did I insist on comparing myself to them at every turn of my life.

Imagine what my life would be like if I could have just accepted myself as me and not as ‘Meredith’s sister’ or ‘Lacy’s sister’.

We are all individuals.

No two people will ever be the same.

So why why why do we always compare ourselves to others? I wouldn’t have ended up in the same place, I still would have been different then them, so why did I try and force myself to be so different.

Thinking of this now leads me to such frustration. So I try not to, and to just move on.

Just please remember…be yourself. Always be yourself. (unless you can be a mermaid or unicorn…..)

As for this little guy…

I found it on a shelf at my parent’s house, but it was a little broken. So I brought it home and fixed him.

Growing a Christmas Tree.

My friend Elliot’s birthday was recently. Along with some other fun stuff, I also gave her a package to grow her own Christmas Tree.

Thank you Five Below!

We took a break during work and planted it!

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When we got back from Thanksgiving break…guess what was there!!

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It’s so cute!!

I will keep you updated to let you know how it comes along. I can’t wait to see what happens.

♥ Santa Clausette

The Second Me.

A new girl started in my department at work.

She sits across from me, so I get to see her every day.

And guess what?

That’s right.

We share a name.

(Even though hers is spelled wrong….)

Even better…she is just as weird as I am!

She also loves hot dogs just as much as I do!

Monday.

Today is Monday. I love Mondays. Mondays are amazing.

You can’t have a Saturday without a Monday, so I love Mondays.

 

I Feel Pretty.

At some point over the summer I went to see Amy Schumer’s movie I Feel Pretty with a friend.

Mind you, Justin and I had this conversation about it… Read More

3 Years.

It has officially been three years with this guy.

Some days it’s easy. Some days it’s hard. Some days I really wish I could chop off certain body parts.

I don’t share much about our relationship on social media. I don’t really want us to be one of those couples that only shares the good things, but I also don’t want us to be one of those couples that airs our dirty laundry online. I feel like some things should stay a little bit private.

All I can say is that we fight and argue, and then we love, laugh and play, and I cry and we sleep and work and argue some more and sometimes agree on things and we live. Just as we will live for the next…60 years?

Oh jeez…That’s a very long time to be married to him.

But you know what?

Marriage isn’t just about being happy all the time.

Sometimes it’s about going to bed angry.

Sometimes it’s about wishing you could get a hotel room and spend a night (or week) apart.

Sometimes it’s just about making it through the day and waking up to a fresh start.

And that’s okay… because I love him, and he loves me.

Love, Mrs. Falter ♥

Cupcakes.

My new life motto…

Groundhog Day.

I finally watched Groundhog Day from start to finish.

I have started this movie several times, never finished it.

I usually would stop out of boredom about a 1/4 of the way through.

I promised Justin that I would finally finished it though.

And I did.

Hurrah!

In all reality, wasn’t that impressed.

Yes, there were a couple funny bits, like him punching the guy in the face.

And shoving a whole piece of angel food cake in his mouth.

I did read somewhere that the original script had the movie taking place over 10,000 years, but if that was the case then it would be as if he were dating a cave-woman, he would be so advanced.

Anywho, basically, I’m just really glad I finally finished this movie, can now claim I have finally seen it, and will hopefully never have to watch it again!

Peace out, RR.

What If? Living With Anxiety.

I recently started taking anxiety medication.

It is amazing how increbdily different I feel. I took some time to write down some thoughts over the first week.

…..

Anxiety is a worm. A worm that slowly, painlessly crawls its way into your body, brain and then eventually your entire body.

You don’t notice until it’s to late and by then, you’ve lived with it for so long it’s just a part of you.

It causes you to second guess everything. Everything. From grocery shopping, driving, getting dressed, showering, what time to leave, what you would do if you got there early, and everything in between.

What should you text that friend? Will they get the joke? Will they think it’s rude? Funny? That I’m stupid?

Can I speak up at work? Will that sound bossy? Bitchy? Will they think it’s stupid?

Should I put away the laundry tonight? If I do, I won’t get to sleep early, but if I don’t I will have to do it tomorrow which means what I had planned for tomorrow will get pushed back another day and then I won’t have time to grocery shop which will push back my meal prepping and I still need to shower and I really want to read more of my book and I just don’t know what to do.

I constantly felt like I was drowning, but felt that was normal and that everyone felt like that.

Like, everyone was worried about taking a shower. Worried about how badly I might itch. How hot or cold to make the water. How much shampoo and conditioner to use. What if a spider crawled out of the drain? What if I slipped and fell? Would Justin hear me screaming?

What if I watch movie X tonight, but end up regretting it and wished I would have watched movie Z instead? Maybe I should just watch movie Y? But then what if I hate movie Y?

There was always a ‘what if’ or a ‘but’ scenario in my head.

ALWAYS.

Should I sit in this chair or that chair?

Eventually that tiny worm starts eating away at every calm moment you could ever have.

It eats and eats and eats until everything important and healthy lives inside it.

So your thoughts and emotions are always moving, always churning around.

Justin calls me a cat, because I couldn’t sit still for 5 minutes. If I’m watching tv, i’m eating, reading a book, on Facebook, painting my nails, something. Sometimes several of those at once.

Always chewing on my fingers.

Usually bleeding from somewhere from pick a scab or scar or hangnail.

What if I try to buy groceries but my debit card doesn’t work, even though I know we have money in our account.

What if I trip while walking?

The one comfort in my life…my husband.

He has been my one constant. My safe harbor in the tsunami of my mind. His simple touch (without tickling) is a balm to my jittery body.

I never worry about saying something stupid, or doing something stupid around him. That is probably why I rarely shut up around him, because I can say anything.

I know he will never judge me. Laugh at me, yes. But never judge.

I went to the doctor a couple days ago and was put on an anxiety medication for the first time.

I’ve only taken one full dose of medication but I already feel much calmer.

This morning was amazing. I’ve been a little more jittery at night, but not as wishy-washy.

I very much look forward to the upcoming weeks.

As I sit at our new dining room table tonight writing about what my life has been like for the last several years, possibly decades. I am starting to feel a sense of calm. Peace.

I can stare at our centerpiece and just look at it. All I think about are the green stems, the white…ball things on the ends. The pretty white pitcher they sit in.

I sit here and cry at the first feeling of true peace that I can remember.

I can repeat a song on Spotify without the fear of missing an even better song that could be next. That next song will always be there.

A friend was sick and without hesitation I offered to drive her to Topeka for her Dr. appointment. While driving I never once had a twinge of anxiety.

Even just two weeks ago I would have felt sick myself at just the thought of driving in Topeka, let alone actually doing it.

I feel such a sense of freedom.

I feel absolutely free.

Insanity: Week 2.

Day 8 (Monday)

I didn’t get it done in the morning, but I got it done.

We weighed in today and I was very happy to know that my body fat went down and my muscle percentage went up! Which means that this (I hope) is working.

I have a completely different motivation this time, so i’m finding it much easier to do the workout everyday.

I no longer want to just use Insanity to ‘get ripped’ and what nots. I just want to finish the program! That’s it. If I do end up losing weight and gaining muscle with this, that’s just a bonus.

Day 9 (Tuesday)

I am getting so much better! Today was Pure Cardio. I hate pure cardio because there is no rest inbetween the different difficulty levels. Just go go go.

However…. today I actually did the entire level 1 warm-up all the way through! Last time I got through the first three without stopping, this time 7! I am pumped!

Day 10 (Wednesday)

A nice sweaty workout. Not a lot to comment on…

Day 11 (Thursday)

Ugh. I was not in a great mood this evening. Today was supposed to be Cardio Recovery, but I hate that day. It’s mostly stretching and what not.

I just really wanted to move! Be active!

So instead, I made my workouts work for me, and I did a Jessica Smith workout on YouTube. I LOVE her. Her videos are awesome!

I don’t feel like I cheated or betrayed my plan. Nope!

I feel good. I feel accomplished. I feel way better than I would have if I did my scheduled workout.

Sometimes you have to change things up. It was just for today. Tomorrow I will go back to the plan.

Day 12 (Friday)

Today was a bit crazy, so I decided to make Friday my rest day instead of Sunday.

Ya gotta make your workout work for you, so I did.

Day 13 (Saturday)

Well shit. I got sidetracked with a bunch of stuff and didn’t get my workout in today either.

Day 14 (Sunday)

Since I missed the last two days, I did two workouts today.

It was a tad rough. But I freaking did it.

Which means that Monday is the 2nd fit test. I really hope my numbers have improved at least a little bit.

Week 2 Results

This past week, I lost a smidge of weight but sadly my muscle and fat percentages had not improved.

I have a hard time eating after I do my workout, which means I’m probably not replenishing all the good nutrients and what not.

This next week will be better though.